Life in Technicolor

FWB

Our relationship is so peculiar. I mean, it’s not an actual relationship, obviously. I never expected things to become so continuous, really. And the fact that he looks so much like Shane, well, it’s uncanny. I know it’s only been like 2 weeks since I’ve seen him but the fact that he’s still texting me is strange. I wonder how many other girls he’s texting, if there are other girls. Not that it matters. I don’t know why I’m analyzing it anyway because I don’t have very significant feelings for him. I’m telling you, the whole thing is just weird. It’s probably because he has this air about him.. Almost like he’s an asshole but he hasn’t done anything to prove it. Only time will tell. Who knows if we’ll still be talking by the time September rolls around.

Mother Nature

Fuck you, honestly. I don’t care if rain is good for the environment right now. It’s close to impossible for me to be happy when it’s raining. Take me back to school, put me to work, anything to get me out of this house. I can’t do this for 3 and a half months.

“See you in September”

This semester was not real life; It was so wild in the best ways. I guess my only regret is not taking my classes seriously enough. I’ll probably pay for that next semester.. gee dangit. I’m definitely not going to overwhelm myself like that again though. I’ve learned my lesson.
Now that freshman year is over, I realize that I have in fact changed. The only person that can truly understand that change is me, though, because I’m the one who experienced it. I’m grateful for the fact that I ignored my inhibitions. This change is good. I’m still as weird as ever and know how to have fun without any sort of influence. I’ve still never tasted vodka. I still drive most of the time ‘cause I’m one of the only people who is happy going out sober. My morals haven’t changed, despite anyone else’s perspective on my life. I’m happy and that’s what is important to me.
The things that I wanted at the beginning of the year or even a couple of months ago aren’t as compelling anymore. I was so stuck on Ian first semester. After seeing him over winter break, being with him didn’t really matter anymore. Being with Ryan on spring break seemed like the biggest deal until he stayed over a couple of weeks ago. I don’t understand where the sparks went. Is it good that I don’t stay attached to one guy for too long? I’m honestly so jaded. My most recent thing has been with Grant who I’ve gone to just about every formal gathering with lately. Hooking up with him is great but when he leaves in the morning I don’t exactly miss him. I can’t really complain though, cause it’s not like I want anything substantial. I just wonder when I’ll meet something that I have genuine feelings for again. I really want to get lavaliered. Obviously not anytime soon. That’s just one of my long-term goals for college.

anthemically:

sometimes i don’t want to be pretty or perfect

sometimes i just wanna eat pizza

(via sleepycaterpillar)

And every breath we drew

was hallelujah.

(Source: maags)

honestly sometimes in school people say the most ridiculous shit and I make this face and look somewhere at an imaginary camera like I’m on The Office

(Source: andthatlittleblackdress, via tenley)

The taste of salt on the Carolina shore

I’m extremely confused at this point to say the least.

I literally got exactly what I wanted, and I kind of hate myself for that. Prior to the trip, Jacqueline and I creeped on the boys that would be accompanying us on our trip. I picked out the one that I wanted to hook up with, not really thinking that it would happen. We only danced with each other the first couple of nights that we went to the club. He told me he liked me. He told me he thought I would never give him the time of day when he first met me. He told me the only girls he had sex with before were his girlfriends. He would hug me from behind when I was washing the dishes and help me dry them. He would kiss me on the forehead. He would wait for me whenever we went out so we could walk together. He would open the car door for me and help me get out. He called me “babe” both times we had sex. He comforted me when I was crying and looked like complete shit. He literally had me all figured out when we only knew each other for a few days. I had so much fun dancing with him that I don’t think I could ever enjoy dancing with anyone ever again.

And one night he tells me we should dance with other people so we can have fun. Were we not having fun before? It does make sense for me to be confused right now, right? He told everyone that we were with that he likes me and that I’m so cute and he doesn’t know what to do. I don’t understand why we needed to DTR. Couldn’t we have just had fun without analyzing it? He was being the girl in this situation. And yet he’s still texting me. He’ll be here on April 24 for Dayglow, so we’ll see how things play out until then. I just don’t get it.

Regardless of the nonsense, I enjoyed almost every moment of the trip. And I got kinda tan. Winning.